The "in-between" phase

I feel very strongly about something that relates to trials/adversity. I've been thinking of the "in between" phase. I like to hear about this part in people's experiences, but often don't. I can't count how many stories I have heard about people having a trial and people praise them for not feeling sorry for themselves, or for only focusing on the positive. I always wonder, "But how did you feel before you were able to get to the "through it" phase?" While I think these are important aspects of a resilient spirit, I think there is a difference between lingering on something because you don't know how to overcome it, and having real, authentic feelings that are necessary for the experience. I don't think this is realistic to be automatically okay, and I think this is unhealthy because it doesn't allow us to have emotions. I wish we heard more that it's okay to be where you are until you aren't there anymore. If you've suffered trauma, you are going to have to give yourself permission to let yourself heal. If someone has wronged you, it's okay to not automatically "get over it". We have emotions for a reason and that is different for everyone, but we need to let them run their course.

I have had a few major experiences when I felt justifiably mad and hurt. I was so mad but I turned it inwardly into self hate because I wasn't taught what to do with "mad". I didn't let myself feel mad because I didn't think it was being a good person. That wasn't the kind thing to do, that wasn't loving. The anger came back later though, and it was really hard for me to learn that I just had to be mad until I wasn't mad anymore. And that it was okay because I am a human being, not a robot.

Please for the sake of mental health, let us all give ourselves and others permission to be. We can listen. We can love. We can validate. It's so comforting to hear "You are allowed to be ____". It offers relief. It nourishes a spirit. It negates shame. The more I try to be something I am not, or the more I try to look on the bright side of things when it doesn't feel especially sunny, the longer the discomfort stays. When I really let it run it's course and had faith that I won't always feel this way, it is eventually lifted. I know this.

Whenever I hear stories now, I realize that there is an "in between the action and the healing" phase for everyone. It will be felt now or later, but it is there. I want to be the type of person that is there for the "in between", but it's tough because I also want to make the pain go away for someone else.