I know I've shared a lot of the good things that I feel have come from divorce, but today is not one of those days. For anyone wondering what life after divorce is like on a bad day, consider this: It's basically like having one hundred and eight babies without drugs. Seriously, emotionally, it's sort of like being in labor for a really long time. Sometimes the contractions are really strong and completely floor you, and sometimes they aren't as strong but you know they are there, and although you are trying not to, you are dreading the next contraction. To top if all off, it feels like there isn't much time between these painful contractions. There are a lot of "firsts" you must go through. Even if I was aware at one time that I would have to endure these, I didn't realize what it would truly be like until I was smack dab in the middle of it. Nothing can prepare you for the turmoil that is divorce. And holy crap it hurts. I have found myself in a puddle of tears way too many times. The first time your kids go for the weekend, the first family party without you that the family that you have spent the past 17 years with happens, the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other holiday, going anywhere that reminds you of your time together, the moment you make your kid's bed and they have a picture of your family together under their pillow, the first time one of your kids wants to go live with their dad, having to mentally surgically remove yourself from your help-meet and best friend, and know that you are no longer team Jed and Tiff. Not to mention the trillions of memories and thoughts that replay in your head. The good news is getting those first "firsts" over with. Every time one of them passes, I'm so thankful because I know the next time what to expect. The bad news is, there is still so many to go through. I'd like to think of myself as a positive person who makes the most of any situation, but honestly some days it seems so hopeless that I just wonder how in the world I got here, and wasn't being married so much less painful? Pain, in my experience, never feels better. Yes, it gets less extreme mostly because you know you've been through worse, but it always hurts. I tried to logic and think my way out of pain. Overthinking was my coping skill and I really thought it would help. But now I realize I just have to birth these babies. And they better be the biggest, most beautiful babies I've ever seen because it hurts like the dickens.
I share this because I hope that anyone contemplating divorce will really take to heart what it means to actually be divorced. The thought of it is way less painful than the reality.
But also, I know I have 2000 percent more emotions than the average human, so maybe I'm just being extreme 
